…eye solution

To: piquecritique@wow.com
Now I’ve gone and done it! I broke down and got eye surgery. I know, against my better judgment and everything I espouse about conforming to the world and the preconceptions of plastic surgery. Castigation, begin! Love T.

Have you watched the female comediennes? There is some morphing evolution that occurs when these women begin enhancing their natural attributes. Comedians are supposed to look funny, an odd eye, Feldmen, or her whole face, Phyllis Diller. These people make a living out of looking different.

I think when people stop looking funny, they stop being funny and I can prove it. I’ve reached the end of my wit, which does not mean that I’m witless, (I am) but what I really mean is that I’m no longer funny! (Oh, you already noticed?)

I’m on the road to comedic collapse, because I’ve followed the trend and had my number one self-deprecating feature surgically altered. The coke-bottle glasses are gone, therefore the source of mirth for my children is gone. They can no longer wink behind my back, or laugh silently in front of my face. I’m freed from being the butt of their jokes, free from their cruel taunts and I’m no longer stuck in bed while the morning passes and finally the children seek me out the bedroom where I’m hoarse from yelling, “Help! I’ve dropped my glasses and I can’t get up!”

I’ve done it! I had my blindness fixed. No more thick glasses, no more blundering and sadly, no more excuses about misreading the ingredients on a recipe card. I can see! It’s all they say it is and more!