Insurance v Assurance

…insurance vs. assurance

I’m spared the task of figuring out what I’m responsible for because there are lawyers. (Lawyers prefer the word attorney. What word is next after that term is sullied too?)[1]

In this world, abject contrition is not enough. Nobody ever forgives. We want payment! Sue! This is a difficult theory for my children to disabuse. Their immediate response to any wrongdoing is, “Mom, we should sue!”

An attorney will also tell you that it’s also the only way to effectively force changes in the big corporate-run world. Hit them where it hurts, in the pocketbook. I have yet to ever see change effected by suits. That’s why businesses retain corporate lawyers.

Insurance is supposed to cover human fallibility. We make mistakes, have accidents and when we do, sometimes the victim needs help. Insurance grants peace of mind… in times of crisis… in a catastrophe. Had a disaster lately? Statistics say most of us haven’t, and won’t and there wouldn’t be enough insurance money to pay claims if everybody did.


To: thewholefamily@wig.out
I explained car insurance to my driver-to-be and she said, “So, it’s gambling. It banks on luck. You only have to be luckier than everybody else because insurance only works if nobody else uses it.” Isn’t she quick? Just like her momma. T.

If you are even thinking about placing a claim, don’t. Don’t even call to ask! These companies have ESP and a mere call will increase your rates[2]. Is insurance necessary? I’m paying a huge amount of insurance to cover the uninsured. Maybe I should be the uninsured?

To: thewholefamily@wig.out
I have this great idea! Maybe I can pay the insurance money directly into a victim’s (lawyer’s retainer) fund that guarantees I won’t ever get sued for anything, and then I could skip the insurance company all together. [3]
If the doctors paid malpractice money directly into a legal (lawyer’s retainer) fund that pays lawyers an automatic 10% not to sue. That might work too!
The lawyers could set aside a small stipend (real money) for the injured parties and all the problems would be solved!

by Ternia my nom-de-plume


[1]Can I blame that one on Mark Twain?
[2] True story. I saw it on the epitome of truth and honor called television.
[3] My idea is not original? It was started as this thing called insurance?